


The Life of Virgil Sanders

by bookl0ver



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Don't copy to another site, M/M, Manipulative Deceit Sanders, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 07:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19902301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver
Summary: The story of Virgil's life from his conception in the mind palace up until his thoughts post Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts.Warning: Contains depictions of violence, rape, abusive and toxic relationships. Please do not read if any of those things are potentially triggering or make you uncomfortable.





	The Life of Virgil Sanders

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fic for this fandom, and I hope you like it. 
> 
> Again please heed the warnings - Although not very graphic and quite vague, abusive relationships and rape are portrayed in this story.
> 
> If you are comfortable with reading this, I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Thank you

He couldn’t remember his conception, when he, Virgil appeared in the mindscape. He knew he had developed early in Thomas’ infancy, when he was old enough to experience separation anxiety. Since then, Virgil had existed, trying to keep Thomas as safe as he could. And for a while, with the aid of Ro-Ro, Pat and Logie, as they had then been called, they had kept him safe. And then came the teenage years.

Suddenly being plunged into a whirlwind of social pressures and expectations, conflicting thoughts and hormones had sent Virgil into overdrive. He couldn’t keep a leash on his own fears, and everything Thomas wanted or tried, he was unable to see past the hundreds of potentially disastrous consequences of the activities. This led to Thomas struggling to do anything. The only safe thing was to sit in his room silently, reading, writing or singing to himself.

The other sides had watched in concern for a while, hoping Virgil would either stop sending Thomas into a spiral, or Thomas would start listening to them more. When neither occurred, there had been confrontation.

Virgil remembered it so vividly, the words etched into him.

“You’re so fucking paranoid, why don’t you just leave him alone?”

“Look, buddy, we can’t go on like this… you’re ruining his life…”

“The observations and conclusions you reach are completely unfounded. How is Thomas to accomplish anything with such nonsense going on?”

And then, that night, Deceit had appeared, and invited him to come be with him. After all, _they_ clearly didn’t want him.

He had left, packed a bag and gone with Deceit, down to where the others lived.

At first, he had been happy. Or as happy as he could be. Remus, Roman’s evil twin was actually a nice guy when he wasn’t trying to scare him. That didn’t mean Virgil didn’t fear him, but he didn’t mind being around him, as long as everyone else was around.

And Deceit. Oh, Deceit was truly wonderful. He reassured Virgil, made him feel happy and comfortable. And eventually, Virgil had begun to feel something more than affection and friendship for his snake-faced mentor.

They had gotten together, in a certain capacity. Deceit had been so kind, and said he wanted to repay Virgil for all that he had given him. Eagerly, Virgil had accepted anything that Deceit offered. First it was sex, as he taught the anxious side to let go of his fears, if only for a short time and truly enjoy himself. Then, he taught him how to really get Thomas’ attention.

Because he was with Deceit, Thomas couldn’t hear him as clearly as he used to. Whilst this was great for Thomas, it was less so for Virgil. So, Deceit had shown him how he could be louder, be more brutal in his predictions until Thomas not only couldn’t ignore his voice, but had to do what he said.

Virgil and Deceit spent most of their time together after that, Remus choosing to spend most of his time either trying to get Roman’s attention, often in vain, or coming up with more thoughts to throw at Thomas.

He had to admit, he felt guilty at first, when he would tell Thomas that his friends hated him, that his parents thought he was a disgrace, that the people he walked past thought he was ugly and stupid. But eventually the other’s encouragement and support felt so good that he ignored those feelings. He began to shout at Thomas constantly, pouring a never-ending spiel of fear into him.

Deceit had congratulated him, told him how good he was, how safe Thomas was now because of him. His words had kept Thomas from venturing into dangerous situations, saying and doing the wrong things. He was safe, all because of Virgil.

When Deceit and Virgil first had sex, it had been after Virgil had taken complete control, and sent Thomas, and Virgil, into a prolonged anxiety attack. It had taken Thomas’ parents comforting him for him to calm down, and Deceit had done the same for Virgil. Except, instead of cuddles and kind words, Deceit had smothered him in passionate kisses, licking away the tears that tracked down his face and pinning the trembling hands down. Virgil had been incredibly out of it, still recovering from his spiral. He had barely been aware of the touches until it was almost done, and Deceit had stilled and collapsed on top of him.

He never told Deceit about how dirty that night had made him feel, and they carried on as normal.

Eventually, Thomas had begun to tune him out, ignoring him. It hurt, it hurt so much. The pain was physical, like his chest was being crushed, as Thomas suddenly started going out more, being open about his sexuality and auditioning for all of the shows that he could.

Deceit had been furious. He had yelled at and berated Virgil, telling him that he was stupid, useless, a waste of his time and effort. When Virgil had argued that it wasn’t his fault, Deceit had struck him, leaving a mark across his cheek. Virgil had curled up on the floor, and Deceit had pulled his hair and ordered in a whisper, “try harder next time,” then left him to cry.

Virgil had tried, but Thomas was on anti-anxiety medication and had learned techniques to deal with him. He could shout all he wished, but it was like trying to scream under the water. Bubbles were made, and some sound escaped, but the words were meaninglessly garbled.

The confrontations with Deceit had become increasingly common, and Virgil came away from them with injuries more often than not. Deceit would tell him later that it didn’t matter, Virgil wasn’t actually hurt, after all. All he needed to do was snap his fingers and the marks faded, so it was like he’d never been hit, and so, everything was totally fine.

He tricked himself that things were fine for years, until Thomas had left college, and then the videos had started to be made. He stayed down for the vines, not interested, just scared for how the notoriety could potentially impact Thomas’ future. But then, YouTube came along, and Virgil found himself once again able to appear in front of Thomas. The freedom to be heard and physically out of the mindscape felt wonderful, and he never wanted it to end.

He began to see the other sides, the ‘light’ sides again. They barely remembered him, only having a faint recollection that he was Anxiety. So, he took on that role, the role of the villain, and fought them all verbally, enjoying the opportunity to say to them what he wished he had the guts to say to Deceit and Remus.

But then that pesky guilt that Deceit had taught him to repress so long ago had resurfaced, and he couldn’t handle Patton’s hurt face and Roman’s indignant, scathing retorts. When they returned to the mindscape one day, he had apologised, briefly, before disappearing back to his own room. Deceit had been displeased with his interactions with the light sides and had beaten him, worse than he could remember.

After that, the other sides were much nicer to him in videos, and he began to see an out, away from the others, away from the fear and Deceit. Thomas even seemed to like him, talking to him with less fear than he had at first.

Then Deceit really did a number on him. He had returned from hanging out with the light sides, laughing and joking as though they were friends, to find Remus and Deceit waiting for him. They had grabbed him and pinned him down, then brutalised every inch of him, inside and out.

Remus had whispered horrible, evil things into his ears, about what the other sides actually would do to him, how much they and Thomas hated him. “He hates you,” Remus had purred, “They all do, they want you dead.”

When the mental torture was over, the physical had begun. They beat him, with fists and objects, knives slicing through him like butter and bars smashing into him. This had gone on forever, the words still echoing in his head all the while. Once he thought that they were finished with him, but his relieved sigh was only met with laughter, and he’d opened his eyes to see Deceit’s trousers undone. He didn’t have the strength to fight, not with how thoroughly they had taken him apart. He could only scream as Remus held him down whilst Deceit forced himself on him. He screamed until he couldn’t, and passed out from the pain.

Upon awakening, he was alone, in his own room, the pain still there. A message had been written on his arm, scrawled in blood. “Get rid of them. Don’t ever speak to them again. You’re mine, - D.”

He had hurriedly disappeared the marks and all evidence of the assault, although that did little to alleviate the pain in his heart as he withdrew himself from Thomas. He was still in the mindscape, but he systematically cut himself and his influence off from directly impacting Thomas’ thoughts.

He thought that was it, until Thomas, Patton, Roman and Logan had appeared in his room, terrifying him. Eventually, they convinced him that he was wanted, that they cared about and needed him. So, he left with them, and was allowed, by Patton’s blessing, into the ‘light side’ of the mindscape.

His old room was emptied and he was given a new one, similar but with a distinctly happier feeling. For the first time in years, he felt happy and wanted. His advice was still erring heavily on the side of caution, but the others were able to help him see the potential in socialising and going against his instincts. Everything was finally going okay, and he truly believed that he might get to spend the rest of his existence happy.

Until Deceit started to show up. That had never happened before, and it sent Virgil into a terrified spiral as he desperately tried to get rid of him. Whilst he had eventually gone back to his own area of the mindscape, that didn’t stop him from coming back. The others didn’t understand why he was so scared of him, this ridiculous snake man with a stupid dramatic flair. Sure, the others feared and resented the power he had over them, and what he represented for Thomas, but they weren’t scared of him. Not scared of what he could do to them.

Virgil had been cagey and edgy ever since his first appearance, and the others noticed. They were confused but still attempted to help and comfort him. Patton would cuddle him when he felt up to the gentle touches, Roman would watch Disney films with him, and Logan would read with him. He couldn’t feel at ease when he knew Deceit was going to return, but with the help of his family, he started to feel safe again.

Then came Remus, and the disgusting vitriol he spouted into Thomas’ mind, keeping him up. Virgil had immediately been on the offensive, demanding to know why these awful thoughts were happening, why the Duke had returned. Knowing that Deceit had sent him, that they wouldn’t stop hounding him, he waited until the others had gone.

Dread welled up in him, tears came to his eyes as he finally admitted what he had wanted to keep hidden, forever if need be. He hated the fear in Thomas’ eyes as the words finally left him, and left a gaping wound in his heart.

“I was one of them.”

And with Thomas’ look of horror etched into his memory, he sunk down to his room, where he sat alone and sobbed.

Now Thomas knew, and Deceit was right. He would hate him now, would never listen to him. The others had suspected but now they would turn against him too. He was screwed. Royally screwed.

Deceit had made it clear he wouldn’t stop until once again, Virgil was his.

And there was nothing Virgil could do to stop him.

**Author's Note:**

> Just want to say that I know the ending is kind of ambiguous but I don't want to make any predictions about where the series is going to go, which is why the ending is a bit ominous and ambiguous. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this, if you have any thoughts or critiques about this, please feel free to leave a comment, they're always welcome and appreciated. Kudos are also gratefully appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, have a good day.


End file.
